Random musings of a mother gone mad

cheese danish addiction

I learned about The Cheese Danish when I moved to the United States.

It’s not like they didn’t have cheese danish in Canada, but they certainly didn’t have The Cheese Danish.

And when I say there was cheese everywhere, I really mean….


I was introduced to The Cheese Danish by my brand new American friend who thought, being from Canada, I had only ever eaten mutton and walrus.

She thought I should experience some real food.

now believe she was a cheese danish dealer, worse than a drug dealer, because I not only got addicted, I soon found myself selling my soul for TCD.  And even a couple of my kids.

It was not pretty.

To battle my TCD addiction I resorted to self-flagellation, followed by another TCD and a diet coke chaser to make myself feel better.

That lasted all of 12-and-a-half minutes.

So one day, just for shits and giggles, I decided to investigate the nutritional value of my beloved TCD.

THAT freaked me out.

I tried everything to kick the TCD habit: Hypnosis; sleight of hand; TCD Addicts Anonymous;… I even contemplated murdering my friend-slash-pusher.

The problem, eating too many TCDs, which I tried to blame on everything and everyone else (moving away from my family, my new baby, my tennis serve) wasn’t so much a problem as it was a solution.

Ding ding ding.  The Cheese Danish wasn’t the problem.  It was my crazy-ass solution for missing home (especially my mom), being stressed as a mom, and not winning 6-0,6-0 every time I played tennis!!!

Somehow I was using TCD to solve my problems.

What kind of grown up, smart (ridiculously smart am I), has-it-all-woman!, resorts to eating an inanimate object as a means for problem-solving?

A woman who doesn’t know any better.  So much for being smart!

This required a different kind of smart.

This required emotional intelligence, the only kind of intelligence that matters. Really. If you don’t believe me I’m going to have to sock you one. Let me know.

Emotional intelligence, according to scientist and author Daniel Goleman, requires self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.

For example, in a marriage relationship, emotional intelligence is the ability to really listen to your spouse as well as be able to communicate your needs, wants, and desires, in a calm but assertive way.

Self awareness is the ability to recognize what’s really going on when you suddenly find yourself with cheese danish crumbs on your face and you pretend to not know how they got there.  You stop blaming your external circumstances (marriage, kids, job, dog) and own up to the fact that The Cheese Danish is on your face because you put it there.

And that the cheese danish has no power over you.

The cheese danish is just a combination of ingredients that come together and taste delicious and amazing and make you feel all warm and gooey and…


Snap out of it.

A cheese danish is just a thing. It doesn’t do anything.

Unless of course you call “tasting good” something TCD does. On purpose. To you. (Yes, I’ve had to slap myself many times.)

The truth is, when we pretend to not have any power over food, people, a tennis serve… we are basically just giving up. Handing our power over to something else or someoneelse.

Repeat after me my peeps….

That sh!t’s gotta stop.


That sh!t ‘s gotta stop.

I can”t heeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrre you!!!!!!!

That sh!t’s gotta stop.

The thing is.  The shit won’t stop. It can’t stop.

Until you decide to stop it.  Until you hit the STOP button.  Until you choose another way.*

Until then, at least try to do this: by all means eat The Cheese Danish, but stop saying you want to lose weight, or improve your marriage, or get a better job. Because you cannot say you want one thing and then keep not doing the things you need to do to get what you want.

Make sense?

Be kind to yourself.  Be honest with yourself. Own it.

Own TCD, don’t let it own you.

Eat it.

Enjoy it.

Love it.

Taste it.

And don’t complain afterwards about having eaten it.

That’s just not fair to my buddy, The Cheese Danish. Because, really, it didn’t beg you to eat it.

It didn’t ‘make’ you eat it.

You chose to eat it.

And when you really want to stop, you will stop.

I have faith in you.

Because YOU are the boss of you.

Pass it on.


*Fine Print: Hey girlies, I have been up to all kinds of trouble. I am just sooooooo bad, as in: amazing. (You know how much I love to brag, right?)
So, here’s what I’m doing– check this out: The Worst Club is goin’ rad. We’re forming a little side-gang to really smarten up! As in, the good kind of smart. And we’re going to lose weight in the process.  And no, I’m not just talking about weight on your body, I’m talking about the weight in your head. The not-so-smart parts of us that can’t figure out why we’re still eating the damn danish!  Because we don’t want to make another New Year’s Resolution to lose weight.  We want the weight to be gone BEFORE the new year gets here.  Then, we’re going to make a new year’s resolution to show off our kick-ass bodies. It’s called JumpStart to 2012! You in?
Seriously… you have to join in. In four months you will be SMART, in the way that really matters.  Promise.  There is another way my chicas.

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