Random musings of a mother gone mad

Semper Me

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Wherever I go, there I am.

I’m pretty sure you can say the same about you. Go check… are you there with you? 

See what I mean? No matter how fast you may try to run from you, you can’t lose you. Look over your shoulder and there she is again!

wherever I go there I am

Running is futile. Resistance, equally so.

Be there for you. You needs you.

Wherever I go there I am

How can you resist you?

Yes, she may be one big hot mess, but what a beautiful big hot mess she is. Give her a hug, dammit!

(This message is brought to you by me. What? You were expecting someone else?)

Book suggestion: Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Wanna get Lippy with it? Awesome new lip gloss suggestion: HERE.  

The best 47 bucks you’ll ever spend is on THIS.

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You Love Me. I know you do.

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Of course you love me.

Seriously, how can you resist? I most certainly can’t resist loving me. Look at that face!

unconditional love

And there are TEN more excellently fr’awesome good reasons to love me. (As if you even needed them.)

But… even though you may say you love me, is your love unconditional? As in, without conditions?


Does it depend on whether I stay within the parameters of your idea of how a _____________ (woman, girlfriend, wife, kife loach, Smart Ass, chocolate-lover, worst mother — pick one) should behave? Have I ever let you down? (Probably.) Have I ever disappointed you? (More than likely.) What happens to you when I do?

And why do you let that happen? Yes. YOU.

What? You thought it was my fault?

Why would you let me disappoint you? (Um. If I disappoint you, it’s your fault. So there.)

There’s really nothing I could ever do to let you down. If I let you down, it’s because you had expectations of me that I never promised to live up to. So, technically, you really don’t have a leg to stand on– there’s no excuse to not love me.

Even when crazy things come out of my mouth…

discount double check

(Pssst… If I actually do promise to do something and don’t do it, by all means, tackle me to the ground and let me have it… but don’t stop loving me… that would hurt you more than it would hurt me!)

I really don’t want to worry about hurting your feelings. It’s such a slippery slope. I trust myself enough to know that my intentions are always to be as perfect as is imperfectly possible. If I start worrying about pleasing everybody, even you dear reader, then I will get small. I will shrink. You may not even be able to see me anymore.

unconditional love

So. I’m just not gonna worry about it. I’m going to say and do stuff the way I always do. I will probably get it “wrong” sometimes — but that will be up to me to decide. So, if I hurt your feelings, that’s on you. It’s up to you to decide if your feelings get hurt. Which means, I just keep doing my thing and you can just keep on loving me, no matter what. Why not?

What is unconditional love and why should you love me that way?

Well, it most certainly isn’t for my sake. I’m cool with it if you decide to not love me anymore. In fact, you have my permission to not love me. (That would be a huge mistake on your part. Again — look at the face!)

Howevah…. why would you want to do that? That’s not going to be good for you. You don’t love people for their sake, you love them for your sake. You love them because it feels better for you. Because not loving me is going to feel like there’s a great big hole in your heart.

unconditional love

And vice versa. This totally goes both ways. I love you. You don’t have to do anything for me to love you. In fact, you have no say in the matter.

i love you

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Why Do You Believe?

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Have you ever questioned your beliefs?

Do you even know what they are?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and take a wild guess that, on your 25th birthday, no one told you that you’re on your own now, your brain is fully developed, and that you can now empty it of all the old software that was downloaded in the previous 25 years.

All the beliefs that you “inherited” from your parents, relatives, siblings, teachers, Tiger Beat, girlfriends, Harlequin romance novels, boyfriends, the Flintstones, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker …. are NOT your beliefs. You didn’t proactively choose them. You absorbed them into your psyche. Then you mixed them all together. And this is what you got:

And so I ask you: how is THAT belief working for you? 

Lin Eleoff, The Smart Ass Coach

Let me explain.

You are the boss of your beliefs. They work for you. Their job description is this:

Make the boss feel good. Period. 

Lin Eleoff, The Smart Ass Life Coach


Lin Eleoff, Smart Ass Life Coach

Change your beliefs, Lin Eleoff The Smart Ass Life Coach

My point exactly.

If you believe that Bison make all your dreams come true, that belief is working for you. It is fulfilling the job description that your beliefs must make you feel good. Nothing more is required. Don’t second guess the beliefs that truly make you feel good. Because when you feel good, you do good.

Any belief that doesn’t make you feel good has got to go!

Make sense?

change your beliefs, Lin Eleoff, Smart Ass Self Help with a side of Sarcasm

Justin Timberlake You're Fired

You tell him, mama! 

Have you fired any of your beliefs lately? Tell me which ones, in the comments below!

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Does My To Do List Make My Butt Look Fat?

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I recently made the most astonishing discovery.

This is going to change the shape of buttocks everywhere!!!

To-Do Lists are fattening!

Yes. Your To-Do List can make your butt look fat. As in…

does this make my butt look fat

to do list makes my butt look fat

It actually makes sense. Your ass is a reflection of your mind. If you’ve got a lot of shit going on in your head, your ass is going to try to get your attention. In a BIG way. And it’ll just keep getting bigger ’til you finally pay attention.

It’s your body’s way of squealing on your mind. Your body really doesn’t like being messed with.

Your To-Do List is a snap shot of what’s actually going on in your head.

to do lists make your butt look fat

Whoa! I’m no electrician but those wires look dangerous. 

And by the way: how many items on that To-Do List do you actually WANT to do? Because THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS “HAVE TO DO” ANYTHING. 

but but but

Yes, I know, my little Poppet.

This should be GOOD news! You don’t have to do anything.

You don’t. I repeat:

You simply do not HAVE TO do ANYTHING. Nobody can MAKE you do anything. You are not a child. You are an adult.

You get to choose EVERYTHING.

And if you insist on fighting me on this I am going to have to come over there and kick you in the shins REALLY HARD!!!!


A belief is not a fact.

BELIEF: I have to do everything  

FACT:  I don’t have to do anything. Ever. 

Now what? Do you still want to hold onto that belief? Because it’s not working for you. In fact, it’s actually hurting you. And look what it’s doing to your ass!!!

The belief that you “have to do everything” makes your butt fat because the belief makes you feel bad (frustrated? angry? resentful?) and so you procrastinate, but you still feel yucky and you don’t want to, but that list is staring at you, and you HATE it and you just want all those crazy wires out of your head so you can have some PEACE AND QUIET IN THERE.

And so… you EAT.

And then you CRY.

And then you repEAT.

See how this works?

Cry + Eat + RepEAT = Pumpkin Butt

Put that list down Poppet. Untangle those wires in your head. Rest.

And then decide what it is you WANT to do on that list. From a place of wanting, truly WANTING — that’s the only way to do anything.

Let me know what you BELIEVE in the comments below.

*******Hey… if you want to learn how to re-wire your brain so that you can shrink your Pumpkin Butt, get your Pumpkin ass in THIS CLASS! 

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The Weapons We Use Against Our Own Selves

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One of my favorite quotes is from Dr. Maya Angelou: “when you know better, you do better.” It resonates deeply with me, so I have done a lot of thinking about what it really means and here’s what it means, to meForgiveness.

In other words, it doesn’t mean, when you know better, you should beat yourself up for not having known better sooner. It’s not supposed to be yet another opportunity to admonish yourself for having done it “wrong”; instead, you offer yourself compassion for having done it in a way you thought was right, until you learned another, better way. You were trying to make sense of something and in that process you dealt with “the thing” in the way you knew at that moment — at that time; with the tools you had. Chances are you were a few tools short of a belt, but hey… you cannot say “I should’ve had the tools” when it would have been impossible for you to have had the tools. It could only have happened the way it did.

Make sense?

We try very hard to find ways to blame ourselves for not knowing better, under the guise of trying to make ourselves… um… well… better. But blame is not a tool, it is a weapon. Blame will not teach you how to do it better, it will keep you stuck in not knowing any better. 

The thought “I should’ve known better” is a poisonous one, and it’s grounded in a belief that does not serve you. It keeps you stuck in muck that is painful. It makes you eat when you are not hungry, spend when you don’t have money, drink when you’ve had “too much to drink.” What is it you believe about yourself that makes you think you should’ve known better? Because, in order to know better, you actually have to know better, not wish you had known better. Here’s what wrong with that kind of hindsight: you still don’t know better if you are still beating yourself up. 

There is a reason we hold on to painful thoughts. What’s your reason? If it doesn’t make you feel good, it’s a weapon, and one you’ve probably been wielding for a very long time. When you know better, you’ll lay it down.

Knowing better starts with asking yourself: am I ready to know better, which is code for, am I really ready to love me enough to forgive myself for not knowing what I wasn’t meant to know — until today. 

Hey Smart Ass… are you in my next class? (You’d better be!)


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